Sometimes I’m so tired when I come home I just want to go to bed. Then I give myself a kick in the butt and force myself to go running. I usually get a burst of energy from it and then I’m able to read my mail and get some ironing done. Sometimes it just becomes too much, but if I don’t do it, who will? During the night, the things which I still need to do keep me awake and then I start making lists. If I’m really honest, it’s not very healthy.
Result
This is Anneke’s story. After the coaching sessions, Anneke found more peace. Her motto “If I don’t do it, who will?” was replaced with “Asking for help is allowed and is actually pretty nice.” She doesn’t feel like she has to do everything alone and she feels less lonely. She consults more, works together and delegates more often. Occasionally, she even lets herself go and enjoys doing absolutely nothing. Once she’s home of course.
It’s not so special what I do. Everyone can do it. And yet I still come across situations in which others find a certain quality of work normal. I believe that others are easily satisfied and quickly decide that they can’t do something. I also know that I shouldn’t set the bar so high but sometimes I get so discouraged. Good is never good enough with me, it can always be better.
Result
Ineke learned to celebrate her accomplishments and to really listen to compliments and to also believe them. It cost a lot of time and energy, but she’s much better at it now. She also allows herself to score a 7 instead of always a 9 or 10. A lot of attention was spent on enjoyment and looking back at all she’s achieved. And that was quite a bit!
An agreement is an agreement and you simply keep them. You don’t bend the rules or you need to have some very good reasons for doing so. It only creates confusion and sets precedents. What really irritates me is coming too late to meetings. Is it so difficult to just show up on time? It’s a question of leaving on time. And that chatter on the phone. I’ve already said something but it doesn’t seem to help.
Result
Paul was often angry. At the rest of the world and also at himself. He had his own book of rules. A book of rules that he forced on everyone and that made him so strict. We put some other rules into place which were sometimes more flexible. It was difficult but Paul saw that his strict doctrine didn’t get him very far. Paul has softened, has more understanding of others but of course still gets irritated every so often.
If someone asks me for something, I can’t just say no? That goes against everything I believe in. Being helpful, there for others, that’s how I grew up. I get the feeling that people won’t like me otherwise. It’s difficult because sometimes I’ve got way too much on my plate. Set boundaries, I know. But if find that so hard.
Result
Henk found it difficult to answer the question what do you want yourself. For others, he can answer the question without any problem, but for himself…? And yet that was the question and also the answer that was crucial in his coaching session. Henk learned to come up for his own interests and wants. At first, his surroundings had to get used to it but now they wish it him wholeheartedly.